Oh how I love thee

Gas Station restroom off the Lindero Cyn exit on the 101.

I love you.

You were clean and met my needs fully in a difficult time. You cared not that I had no sweet words to lessen your normal inhibitions, nor that I had no flowers to sway you with. In my haste I could only enter and do my business as quickly as possible, and I confess, I gave little thought to your needs. Yet you remained fresh smelling and joyful in your receptacle duties. You are a shining example to all restrooms everywhere.

Other inanimate objects I'd like to thank:

You've remained loyal and steadfast, old friend. You don't judge me when I play Mraz songs over and over again, though you really should. I mean.. he's so gay. Also, your size prohibits very large people from entering you, which has led to very funny moments as those large people realize they must seek transportation elsewhere.

Of course it was only funny to me afterwards, at the time it was mortifyingly ackward. (Sorry former supervisor who couldn't fit in my car.. good luck on Biggest Loser 4!)

Finally, my heart bleeds for the Most Depressing Carnival™ on earth.

Oh carnival.. give up. Really. There's no point in exposing your shame to the world like this.

I wondered about the parents bringing their children here. What lessons were they imparting?

"Timmy, this is what human wreckage looks like."

"Allison, remember when we were talking about economic depression? LOOK!"

"Leroy, don't stare, it's perfectly normal for the cook to have a dangling cigarette as he prepares your fine meal of curdled fries."

"Ok kids, Daddy is going around back with this toothless woman for a little while. Go play with the broken glass or something, k?"

Reading is Fundamental. Dumbass.

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life is strange

I had a strange moment this morning. I have a feeling I have a lot of strange moments and allow them to pass unremarked. I'm going to start jotting down notes when they happen.

I was turning left on Magnolia in the valley, to get to work the back-way (avoiding Ventura blvd). I had one car coming from the opposite direction, so was just waiting for it to pass by so I could make my turn. He/she/it went by.. and I hesitated. I had the strangest feeling there was a car coming and that if I turned then, it would crash right into me. I looked.. harder? I don't know. I gave it my full attention and there was absolutely NO car coming for as far as I could see. Yet the feeling remained.

I finally made my turn.. and felt every second of it. I could literally feel the invisible car coming right at me and as I turned I sort of expected to hear/feel the crash of it slamming into my passenger side.

The hell was that? Was there a car in an alternate reality and it somehow bled through to my consciousness? Was I feeling an echo from someone else who previously crashed in that intersection? Am I having a reaction to not being on cold medicine this morning?

The answer to all of these questions and more can be found by visiting a Scientology Center and signing up for a free personality exam.

sicky sick sick

Scene: Dog PoodleGayDog* standing with front legs on balcony and back legs inside the house.

Me: PGD, you cannot straddle both worlds. You must choose. Inside or out. CHOOSE.

PoodleGayDog: ...

Me: Damn you PDG, you are not Schrödinger's Cat. CHOOSE! You cannot be both! Collapse the waveform!

PoodleGayDog: woof?

Another physics joke wasted on the damn dog. I'm going back to bed.

*Name changed to protect is privacy. His real name is GayPoodleDog.

A new look

She's got eyes like Zapruder and a mouth like heroin
She wants me to be perfect like Kennedy
This isn't god
This isn't god

God is just a statistic.
-MM, PostHuman

I am in love with my new mask. I feel naked without it. I got it while visiting my girlfriends family in Florida.

Her mother was thrilled with it. I could tell by the way she kept saying "please don't walk near me with that. Go away. Seriously. Get away from me".

This mask says "Yes, I am a rapist. But goddammit, I love America."

I am in therapy, why do you ask?

Oh and for a couple of people that have asked, no, my opening quotes never have anything to do with the content of any given post. They are just things I've heard or read within the last week that are stuck in my head until I can plop them onto the top of my blog.

Mental flotsam.

And on and on and on..

Show me how to lie
You're getting better all the time
And turning all against the one
is an art that's hard to teach

Another clever word
sets off an unsuspecting herd
And as you step back into line
a mob jumps to their feet
-Dexter Holland


I am writing this from my new bed, in my new house, by the old ocean. I'm still having moments like this, where it hits me that this is now my home. I can sit on the roof on a freaking picnic table watching the waves and enjoying my morning coffee. I can start a bonfire in the front yard fire pit. Course I also have an hour commute each way and sometimes I'm summoned to the data center more than once a day (making for 4 hours of driving today, not that I'm complaining, but I really am.) So it's not idyllic. But still, I think I'm experiencing the sensation of being 'house proud'.

Which is weird as hell for me, I'm usually house-apathetic at best. Pride at where I sleep? Strange.

Still, it's been an bit rough. I have another few weeks on my lease at the old place so I've been moving in piecemeal. Better for aching muscles than moving all at once but also takes ages and I keep missing stuff. My old roomie hasn't found a replacement so she might be moving out too.. which would mean I have to not transfer all the stuff to her (utilities) but cancel them. I'd have to help her clean the place a final time. So much effort.

I feel like I've told everyone I'm moving or moved 299 times in the last 2 weeks and then when I say I'm still moving now, they need to hear the whole story. They probably do, it's riveting stuff.

MEH

If you want in on the Discordian Society
then declare yourself what you wish
do what you like
and tell us about it
or
if you prefer
don't.

There are no rules anywhere.
The Goddess Prevails.
—Malaclypse the Younger, Principia Discordia, Page 00032

I'm in a dark place and I'm not sure why. The last month has been stressful but it's leading to a good thing. I'll soon be settled in my new home. Money is tight but it always is.

Blah. Nothing to see here, go away.

Recovery

"The psychotic does not merely think he sees four blue bivalves with floppy wings wandering up the wall; he does see them. An hallucination is not, strictly speaking, manufactured in the brain; it is received by the brain, like any 'real' sense datum, and the patient act in response to this to-him-very-real perception of reality in as logical a way as we do to our sense data. In any way to suppose he only 'thinks he sees it' is to misunderstand totally the experience of psychosis."

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
-Phillip K. Dick


I finally got some good sleep last night. Not enough, but more than 6 hours, so I'll have to make do. We got a LOT done over the weekend.. but still have a ways to go. I haven't spoken to the others but I am prepared to call our first night in the new house a success. No fires, no more broken bones, no 911 calls. So far so good!

Back to work and enjoying the strange sensations of my muscles sorely settling into their cube dweller mode. Today should be chill, just have a ton of backup jobs to schedule for our server farm and then can finally tackle some data center stuff I've been putting off since November.

Nothing funny or interesting to write about so closing this page really fast before anyone notices I just posted a blog with zero content.

New roomies, new life, new horizons.

I have it on good authority that quoting other people is a fun and easy way of establishing instant credibility. Or it be gibberish, that's cool too. I'll give it a shot:

"Then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and reveling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom."
-HP Lovecraft

Oh. That's sorta silly. Still, it was in the quote rotation and union rules are union rules buddy.

I'm writing this from the first time I've been able to relax. As some or none of you may know, I've just done the first half of life altering move. I'm moving from 3 miles and 5 minutes from the office to.. 45 mins with no traffic (middle of day) up to 1.5 hours each way. My lease isn't up til March 1st but the ladies, dear friends of my acquaintance with some passing familiarity, needed to be out by the last week of January. The man before you, who once was known only as the ButchDance Kid for the way he ran from any and all fights by pretending to dance in an overtly masculine style until escaping from the exit, stepped up to the plate.

He *editor's note, Bob is talking in the third person for no reason at all, please change to first person future perfect in your head to retain the original content* looked those beautiful ladies right in their eyes, after being asked to stop staring at their breasts, and told them we could make this work. As a team. Please don't get the restraining orders again, it makes things so awkward. A team that rubs moisturizing cream on each other. Also suntan lotion, since we live FEET from the beach. Oh crap, I'm gonna need to buy a shovel. There's a lot of sand piled up on the side of the house. I wonder where that crap goes?? Back to the beach across the street? Seems kind of pointless in a way. Oh well, the exercise will be awesome. Wait, where was I? Right, there is no me in team. But there totally is. That sentence will have to be cut.

Anywhoo it's getting late. I'm sorry, you loyal friends who still check back from time to time because you liked something I said or something shared or were paid to hang out with me, I'm looking at you Catherine. I know I've done nothing online in a long time. Going from being a loner, online alllllllll the times to now having a pseudo socially aware lifestyle, out doing actual things, has been very strange. I like it, but I sometimes miss being online by myself sometimes, the silly games and passing the time with very good friends.. but don't get me wrong. I wouldn't go back to that life under any circumstances, having tasted Fun, I shan't recant.

So this change is huge for me and today we had the movers do all the beds/insanely heavy stuff while we did the 'not crushing so I can probably get it to the truck' game. How well did we do? One roomie down w/ broken toe, the other one with a cameltoe, and me sitting on the old house's balcony, enjoying a final night/morning here. We will probably walk to breakfast.. right next door. I'll miss that place but will be back even if we have to drive. Or a boat, that would be swell.

See what I did there? Swell is a nautical term. Damn, I'm sweet.

Oh right, I was going to go now because it's freaking 5am and the only reason I'm awake is because I drank so much coffee this morning to get me through the day. Still have to put beds together tomorrow, so we have places to sleep before work.. which will be a vacation away from moving.

I'll try and post more, I miss reading blogs a lot, and feel like I don't have the right to read really until I post something. So this scratching on paper will get me some good reading privileges. Needless to say this is all in my head and probably irrational.

Oh! I know how I will leave you. With a KLASSY pic.. and since I already show my face in the title (mental note, get something cool), I figured I should post this. Be careful.. if you are not prepared for it, the sheer power of the pimpnosity might damage your vocal cords, as you scream out how god damned awesomely pimp I am.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I'm so sorry. ps, sorry I keep updating, I'm really going to bed now, promise.