Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Oh how I love thee

Gas Station restroom off the Lindero Cyn exit on the 101.

I love you.

You were clean and met my needs fully in a difficult time. You cared not that I had no sweet words to lessen your normal inhibitions, nor that I had no flowers to sway you with. In my haste I could only enter and do my business as quickly as possible, and I confess, I gave little thought to your needs. Yet you remained fresh smelling and joyful in your receptacle duties. You are a shining example to all restrooms everywhere.

Other inanimate objects I'd like to thank:

You've remained loyal and steadfast, old friend. You don't judge me when I play Mraz songs over and over again, though you really should. I mean.. he's so gay. Also, your size prohibits very large people from entering you, which has led to very funny moments as those large people realize they must seek transportation elsewhere.

Of course it was only funny to me afterwards, at the time it was mortifyingly ackward. (Sorry former supervisor who couldn't fit in my car.. good luck on Biggest Loser 4!)

Finally, my heart bleeds for the Most Depressing Carnival™ on earth.

Oh carnival.. give up. Really. There's no point in exposing your shame to the world like this.

I wondered about the parents bringing their children here. What lessons were they imparting?

"Timmy, this is what human wreckage looks like."

"Allison, remember when we were talking about economic depression? LOOK!"

"Leroy, don't stare, it's perfectly normal for the cook to have a dangling cigarette as he prepares your fine meal of curdled fries."

"Ok kids, Daddy is going around back with this toothless woman for a little while. Go play with the broken glass or something, k?"

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Reading is Fundamental. Dumbass.

90% of my job is READING.. thank god people don't bother or I'd be unemployed.


Today I got several complaints from an outside agent (someone not employed by our company, she has us issue airline tickets for her clients and we get a small $ on each sale) that her emails to us were being rejected. It's an agent that I happen to like so what the hell, I'll take a look at it now. I have her forward me the rejection email so I can figure out why my whitelist isn't letting her through. All you need to know in advance is HER internet provider is Verizon.

Here is what she sent:

Your message did not reach some or all of the intended recipients.
Subject:Please issue an INVOICE ONLY for Bruce XXXX June 22

Sent:/16/2009 2:38 PM

The following recipient(s) could not be reached:

'' on 6/16/2009 2:38 PM

550 5.7.1 The message you attempted to send was determined to be spam. Please visit for more information.

Fortunately I have years of study under my belt so I was able to quickly READ the email and follow it's directions. Is "Please visit for more information" really that difficult?

Why do otherwise intelligent people seem to freeze up at the merest hint of a computer problem? I always try to give non-geeks a break, it's not their fault they have social skills and don't spend all of their time putzing around with networking, but I do expect people to at least TRY and figure it out themselves before interrupting my Pet Society.

Now, for no damn reason at all, something that popped up when I did a GIS for 'frustrating'.. and yes it annoys me that I can't fix the typo. Not enough to shop it tho.


Monday, April 6, 2009

life is strange

I had a strange moment this morning. I have a feeling I have a lot of strange moments and allow them to pass unremarked. I'm going to start jotting down notes when they happen.

I was turning left on Magnolia in the valley, to get to work the back-way (avoiding Ventura blvd). I had one car coming from the opposite direction, so was just waiting for it to pass by so I could make my turn. He/she/it went by.. and I hesitated. I had the strangest feeling there was a car coming and that if I turned then, it would crash right into me. I looked.. harder? I don't know. I gave it my full attention and there was absolutely NO car coming for as far as I could see. Yet the feeling remained.

I finally made my turn.. and felt every second of it. I could literally feel the invisible car coming right at me and as I turned I sort of expected to hear/feel the crash of it slamming into my passenger side.

The hell was that? Was there a car in an alternate reality and it somehow bled through to my consciousness? Was I feeling an echo from someone else who previously crashed in that intersection? Am I having a reaction to not being on cold medicine this morning?

The answer to all of these questions and more can be found by visiting a Scientology Center and signing up for a free personality exam.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

sicky sick sick

Scene: Dog PoodleGayDog* standing with front legs on balcony and back legs inside the house.

Me: PGD, you cannot straddle both worlds. You must choose. Inside or out. CHOOSE.

PoodleGayDog: ...

Me: Damn you PDG, you are not Schrödinger's Cat. CHOOSE! You cannot be both! Collapse the waveform!

PoodleGayDog: woof?

Another physics joke wasted on the damn dog. I'm going back to bed.

*Name changed to protect is privacy. His real name is GayPoodleDog.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A new look

She's got eyes like Zapruder and a mouth like heroin
She wants me to be perfect like Kennedy
This isn't god
isn't god

God is just a statistic.

-MM, PostHuman

I am in love with my new mask. I feel naked without it. I got it while visiting my girlfriends family in Florida.

Her mother was thrilled with it. I could tell by the way she kept saying "please don't walk near me with that. Go away. Seriously. Get away from me".

This mask says "Yes, I am a rapist. But goddammit, I love America."

I am in therapy, why do you ask?

Oh and for a couple of people that have asked, no, my opening quotes never have anything to do with the content of any given post. They are just things I've heard or read within the last week that are stuck in my head until I can plop them onto the top of my blog.

Mental flotsam.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

And on and on and on..

Show me how to lie
You're getting better all the time
And turning all against the one
is an art that's hard to teach

Another clever word
sets off an unsuspecting herd
And as you step back into line
a mob jumps to their feet
-Dexter Holland

I am writing this from my new bed, in my new house, by the old ocean. I'm still having moments like this, where it hits me that this is now my home. I can sit on the roof on a freaking picnic table watching the waves and enjoying my morning coffee. I can start a bonfire in the front yard fire pit. Course I also have an hour commute each way and sometimes I'm summoned to the data center more than once a day (making for 4 hours of driving today, not that I'm complaining, but I really am.) So it's not idyllic. But still, I think I'm experiencing the sensation of being 'house proud'.

Which is weird as hell for me, I'm usually house-apathetic at best. Pride at where I sleep? Strange.

Still, it's been an bit rough. I have another few weeks on my lease at the old place so I've been moving in piecemeal. Better for aching muscles than moving all at once but also takes ages and I keep missing stuff. My old roomie hasn't found a replacement so she might be moving out too.. which would mean I have to not transfer all the stuff to her (utilities) but cancel them. I'd have to help her clean the place a final time. So much effort.

I feel like I've told everyone I'm moving or moved 299 times in the last 2 weeks and then when I say I'm still moving now, they need to hear the whole story. They probably do, it's riveting stuff.

Friday, February 6, 2009


If you want in on the Discordian Society
then declare yourself what you wish
do what you like
and tell us about it
if you prefer

There are no rules anywhere.
The Goddess Prevails.
—Malaclypse the Younger, Principia Discordia, Page 00032

I'm in a dark place and I'm not sure why. The last month has been stressful but it's leading to a good thing. I'll soon be settled in my new home. Money is tight but it always is.

Blah. Nothing to see here, go away.