My WTF folder revealed.

I have a bad habit. My right click finger is twitchy. I am constantly hitting "save as" when I find something that strikes me as cute, funny, stupid, ugly, or just odd. I do this for awhile, and then I will realize that my 'wtf pics' folder is getting huge and then I usually either delete it all or .. well yeah, just delete them all.

NO MORE.

I shan't waste those priceless images.
Instead I will post them here.

And then delete them all.

So let's see what I have:


I would love that job. Fortune Cookie Writer! I can do short.
Really.






If I were him, I would wear that outfit and carry this album with me everywhere I went, just hoping someone would ask about it.





Yay the pic Norty made for me! This is where she will pretend she doesn't know me.

NO RESTRAINING ORDER WILL STOP OUR LOVE.

...

Sorry.. awkward.. moving on.


Ok this shit is not right. It's from a French comic. I TOLD you, the French are fucking wrong.





I would play this game forever. It's mathtastic.





Cute.. kinda funny. Just doesn't get me laughing hard, like.. say.. this:



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breathe* HAHAHAHA
Ok the story here is almost better than the picture.. apparently this was a very real fear back in the day. Ok first, the proud black man (PBM) on the left slept with the blond on his right. She, being a hoochie, slept with the white guy to her right immediately after. Like.. 10 minutes after. While doing her, some of PBM's stuff gets up into the white guys little pee-pee hole. Then the white guy goes and sleeps with his faithful fiance and shoots his AND the PBMan's stuff into her.. and guess which one takes? Thats right ma'am.. you've been faithful to your man but you now have a black baby.

Maybe it will be like Different Strokes, that was kinda cool.

Moving on:

Not funny, just true.





DAMMIT! I had to look this up to know what decade could possibly have spawned it. Now Google thinks I'm a fucking racist.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH 1975, I USED TO BE PROUD TO BE BORN IN THAT YEAR.
*sigh* clicky click: The explanation isnt much better.



Ahahaha. HAHAHAHA. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


Ok 2 more and I'm done:

I have mentioned the 'brought up Mormon' thing right? Good. This was every other family there.



This must have been the best movie ever made.

In the words of the deaf lady who taught America how to love.. and say things in a really weird accent between Saturday morning cartoons:
BYE FORE NOW!
*weird hand gesture which in retrospect was her signing but to a 6 year old looked like gang signs*

Love letter to the man on the corner

*another post from a few months ago*

I'm sure you have seen them. They stand on the corners of busy intersections with large signs. And that's ALL THEY DO. Their job is to be a living billboard and they are presumably paid hourly to do this.

To be honest they've always depressed me. Imagine a job where you could be instantly replaced by a wooden 2 x 4, if only the boss could get permission to plant it there. And they are usually advertising things that a sign is just not a good medium for. Like this guy, who I will describe momentarily. His sign said "condos for sale". Now, if you are in the market for condos, are you really going to be driving around looking for sales? I may be wrong, never having bought a condo, but I would imagine it involves a lot more research than that.

I always wonder what that's like, having that job. I may hate my own job sometimes but I'll never be replaced by a stick. Well maybe by a high tech Japanese stick, those are pretty sweet. But not by an American stick, no way.
So that brings me to Jim. I call him that because he kinda looks like a younger version of Jim from The Office. He was LOVING his job. He had a 4 foot arrow, about 2 feet wide, and board thin. The first time I passed him, he was spinning it on his finger like a pro, then swooping it over his back, still spinning, and re-catching it, like a circus performer on acid. Then tossing it up and spinning it over his head before sliding it across his stomach. The entire time he's doing this he is also individually waving to each car turning right by him.. and everyone was grinning and waving back at him. Just watching him I felt happy.

The second time I passed him, 45 minutes later, he was even more into it. He was jumping while spinning it, then trying more complicated tricks. I saw him drop it once and he pantomimed "don't tell anyone!" at me and went back to his acrobatics. The guy in front of me was laughing and pointing and for once I wasn't pissed off that people were ignoring the right turn green arrow. How many people did this kid cheer up just by enjoying himself?

Jim, you put on an awesome show and I hope lots of people decided to buy condos because of you. If I could have tipped you I would have and if I ever run into you, drinks are on me, mein friend.

Random times with my ex roomie.

*truth in advertising: this blog was written on Christmas Eve, 2007 somewhere else. But I like here better.

--------

Just returned home from visiting parents and my older brothers/sisters and their families. It was really quite nice actually. My dad's first wife's other husband (yeah, I have notes to keep up) passed away recently and he was as big a reader as I am apparently. She said I should take all the books I wanted because she was going to give them all to the library. Anyone who knows me should be afraid at this point.

After an appropriate minute of silence for her former love I grabbed a hefty bag and then went off. Filled it with interesting looking books and was happy as a.. guy.. who's happy. Sorry, my metaphor machine is broken. Or are those similes? I can never keep those straight. Anyway, the garbage bag o' books is now waiting to be sorted and added to my shelves. Happy day for me.

Had an interesting night last night. I was kinda bummed about life in general, my current direction or lack thereof, the fact that I may be looking for a new roomie soon, and just.. everything I guess. I hate actually talking about things that bother me, because I have a Y chromosome, but Nicole knew I wasn't feeling too joyous so she suggested shots and hot tub. 2 shots of Jaeger later we were laughing and joking in the boiling water and suddenly life wasn't as bleak. Had another shot afterward and was pretty pleasantly buzzed as the hot tub and alcohol combined to put me in fuzzy land. If anyone got strange emails after that, oops. Yes, I'm looking at you Kerri.


I said probably the wrongest thing in a few weeks today, so I should repeat it. Nicole had a deaf jerk on the phone, on a relay call. He was seriously being an ass, cursing her out through the operator. (FYI: relay calls are where the deaf person types it out and the operator must read the transcription EXACTLY). So she has an operator telling her "you are fucking insane if you think I'm paying fucking $300 for a 1-way ticket, you bitch!".

So I suggested, being a good supervisor, that she tell him "You know, if you were a better person, God would probably let you hear stuff".

Gasps from the surrounding peanut gallery. I swear 2 of them moved their chairs back in case lightning struck.

Thing is, I worked with deaf people extensively in school. I learned a very important thing: They are people. They don't need to be coddled, they just need to be treated like everyone else, except maybe LOUDER AND SLOWER.

Ok that last part was just rude. And doesn't quite make sense if you think about it.

I won't.

But you know what I mean. If the guy wasn't deaf, would I have made that joke? No, I would have found something else to mock him for, because he was being an asshole to my friend.

Anyway, such was my Christmas Eve. Handicapable joking aside, hope all of you have a good one, say I love you to your families whether you feel it at the moment or not, because shutup and do it.

Dentality

A crown on my far bottom left molar fell off Monday. I was at Tony Romas for lunch (mmmm cow) when my mouth gave birth to this little ceramic gift. Luckily I had a root canal on that tooth 5 years ago, so no nerves to shriek with agony but it was annoying as fuck and my tongue kept getting micro cuts from the sharp tooth shard back there. Off to the dentist I go. It's approximately 3 feet away from my office, we're across from each other.

First thing I notice is.. my dentist appears to be 25. And hot. Wearing a dentist outfit with new white Nike's. That works for me, I'm ok with this. She drops my bib twice while trying to put it on me. Finally she says "I'm just not very good at this". Not the most reassuring thing that could be said at this time, but I don't care, she's hot.

She has her assistant do xrays, and blah blah blah, no cavities, yay, but I'm going to need something called a Post and a new crown. Apparently Post's are made out of SOLID FUCKING GOLD because they quoted me $1600 for all the work/cleaning/followups/etc. They have worked on several of my coworkers and know that our ghetto insurance doesn't cover dental. So they give me a choice of 10 payment plans. Not too bad, I go with the 12 month no interest one and set the appt for Wednesday night.

Did I mention she was hot? Good.

Wednesday, drilling out the old root canal cap thing.. and problem. Seems to be bleeding where it shouldn't be. Seems the guy who did my root canal pushed too far down, broke through the bottom base of my tooth and left a small area under need the tooth (between the 2 roots) where bad stuff could happen. It never did before because the crown was there capping it.. but in the last 3 days since it fell off an infection has managed to settle in. Son of a bitch. She took new xrays so I could see the difference and I could see the growth from Monday. Fucking speedy opportunistic bacteria. Still, gotta admire their get-up-and-go spirit! Go bacteria! That's why bacteria are the dominant life form on the planet. We are just a fad.

So Post/New Crown is no longer an option. I swear the Dentist looked like she was going to cry and kept apologizing, though I coudn't see how it was her fault. Extraction it is.

Bonus: Extraction is like $200 instead of $1400, so yay for tooflessness. It's the last molar so a fakey can't be put in because there's nothing to attach it to. She asks if I want a specialist to look and see if it can be saved but honestly.. this thing has been bugging the shit out of me, and it looked pretty ugly anyway even with the porcelain crown, so yeah take it. If I ever get rich I can get an implant. So now I'm going to use the $ I had budgeted for the crown and get my teeth whitened and pretty like I was one of those cool non-smoking brushing 3x a day kids. My coworker ACE got it done and it looks really good. Don't tell him I said that, he'll get conceited. All in all, it should be 1/2 as much as I was originally budgeting so I'm not too upset.

So this blog is devoid of jokes and links. I'm on prescription pain meds to keep my jaw from throbbing, and antibiotics to keep things clean. I told the pretty dentist I wouldn't smoke but that was a lie. I just put my wet gauze pack onto the wound when I smoke to avoid dry-socket. Because.. I'm not going to stop smoking. That's just silly.

Oh! Last thing: I learned a lesson over the weekend. Don't leave your bitTorrent program up and running if you ever have to connect to a work network. Freaks the sys admins out to see a box connecting to 100's of seemingly random ip's constantly. I had to run 3 virus scans to prove I wasn't compromised and I have a feeling they still don't believe that I was just trying to download season 3 of Lost. Just in case I updated my PeerGuardian2 and I recommend anyone who uses torrents to p2p to grab it. Free, takes few resources, runs in the background, blah. Plus, duh, shut BitLord down before connecting to the VPN. Hee.

Ok I've rambled for longer than pain med will account for. I'm gonna Wii it up like a huge dork for awhile. Wii Sports is the greatest invention of ever and I need to practice. Kerri kicked my ass last Sunday at Wii Boxing and I need to get back in shape so I can take her down. In the game sickos. She has a restraining order so I can't do that for real. Bitch.

*poof*

Ps: roomie outta town til Friday night, time for some NAKED DISCO DANCING. If my cat kills herself, you know why.