Yes, I included both anal and blows in my title but I'm far too mature to call attention to it.
I've decided, of all my flaws, the one holding me back right now is a fundamental lack of ambition. Somewhere along the line I took one of my virtues, mellow, and allowed it to go to far. All of my goals: having kids, a house, punching Cheney in the face, writing that intense novel, becoming a world famous flamenco dancer, being that 'amazing friend' to people I care about, having a threesome with conjoined twins.. all of them require one thing: money.
I currently make enough money to support myself, have a fun little convertible, and occasionally splurge on silly games/trips/whateva. But kids? No freaking way. House? Hahaha.. maybe with the imploding housing market but seriously, no. I'll continue to be renting the condo for the foreseeable future. Why don't I have the money that the world owes me for being such a wonderful human being? Because I lack ambition. I'm too content to let things ride.
I watched a documentary last night, the %1, about the wealthiest families in america. And in every single one of the rich bastards I saw the same gleam in their eyes: HUNGER. They NEED to acquire more wealth. I don't have that. If I'm happy.. ish, and my friends are doing ok, and I can pass on something good to the world before I go, I'll be good.
But I think I need some of that hunger first. I need to get my ass back to school. I need to start fighting for the raises I've been promised. I need to stop being content.
I love kids. I want a couple. I don't understand how people who make less than I do manage but they look miserable and I don't want any until I know I can give them everything I had growing up, at the very least. I NEVER heard my parents talk/worry/fight about money and I think that was awesome. We had a modest house but we were never hungry, I was promised a college education (which I squandered) and while I wasn't wearing 'cool' expensive clothes they were at least new and fit.
So what will I do besides whine about it? I guess we'll see over the new few weeks. I got my boss to sign me up for a $1500 a year online training course, offering certification in Project Management and every IT course known to man. I got it setup a month ago and have done exactly one 2-hour course. Weak sauce, indeed.
If I have any balls at all I will begin using it. So I guess this blog is a public challenge to myself to actually DO SOMETHING. Start learning, sign up for the fall semester at a comm college to get the preq's done, work harder at the job until I get back to the 'indispensable' status I used to feel I had and then see what happens.
Cuz kids sure would rock.. someday.
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4 comments:
Listen, you need to be realistic here. Kids will totally get in the way of your lifelong dream of being a flamenco dancer. You can have one or the other, not both.
Think it through and then make the right choice.
And just what are you going to do with those kids when you get the opportunity to run off with that smoking hot stripper? You put a dog in a kennel, but there are laws covering what you can do with the kids. ;-)
I think we all tend to get comfortable sometimes and start wondering if getting any further along is worth the effort it would require to get there. It usually is though.
Cath: As always you are my Athena, whispering words of wisdom into my ear. Screw it, I'll adopt a kid for just 69 cents a day and get back to practicing.
Jay: I don't know how far I'd get running away with the stripper. Have you see those shoes they wear?? We'd get 10 feet and she'd trip us up. *shakes fist at sexy stripper shoes*
ps: both of you guys, thanks for the comments and indulging my self-critical rant. It was one of those days :D
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