Tales from the Valley

So I bailed on work a bit early to go pick up my brand new laptop. 3 GB Ram, dual core, CHEAP AS HELL, and just better than my old Sony in every single way ever. $200 cheaper than the one I got my boss last month, more ram, and the only thing missing is the built in webcam.

Guess I'll have to do my attention whoring the old fashioned way, with impressionist charcoal drawings of my genitals.

I'm on the south side of Ventura blvd after a mistaken turn (people who've ridden with me are shocked, I'm sure) and there are lights every 25 feet. I'm stuck behind a bunch of people, who are in turn stuck because the lights are not in sequence. I'm people watching.. and I notice the car behind me stops about 10 feet behind me. Strange, but sometimes people need their space. It's a BMW, 600 series, niiiiiice but the guy driving looks douchey. An SUV pulls up alongside him and stops. Windows roll down, chat chat chat. Dammit, I think, people are so rude. Granted we aren't moving but what if it opens up? The people behind him are screwed while they figure out directions to wherever they are going together. Definitely called the douche factor on this one.

I look ahead, I've got a green but nowhere to go, too many cars in front and I'll be damned if I'll be caught in the tiny intersection. Sit I shall. Look back up in the rear view and they are rolling up their windows, groovy, they are done. The beamer moves up 2 feet closer to me and stops. The guy, a tad shorter than I imagined (but still jerky looking) gets out of his car, jogs over to the SUV, which is now pulling away and slams his fist into the rear passenger side window.

That was unexpected.

The SUV driver gets out.. and oops, he's a good 8 inches taller than DoucheyMan (DM) and wider to boot. DM gets the 'oh fuck' look on his face as the guy runs at him. DM runs around to the passenger side of his car, trying to put it between him and Big Guy (BG) and begins screaming "HELP HELP!"

Uh.. dumbass, you appear to have started this, I have no sympathy for you. If he really hurts you I might call 911 or yell at him to lay off but otherwise you have some reaping of what you've sown to do.

He gets in DM's face and yells "Instead of hitting my car, take a shot at me!" In a move straight out of any movie bar fight, BG points at his own face, drops his hands and stands there defenseless. DM looks for a second and makes his move. He takes a step back, then a big step forward.. and..
kicks BG in the side of the right shin.

I can't help it, I start laughing. BG looks down at where he was kicked in complete disbelief. DM turns and runs around to the drive side of his car, gets in, and flips a U-turn to get away. BG looks at me and I just shrug.

I turn forward and the light is green again and cars have moved exactly enough to get me into the next line of cars waiting at the next signal. I wave at BG and move on. He waves back, still looking stunned, and gets back into his SUV.

I've never wanted to buy a guy a beer and share a laugh as much as I did right then.

Not even with sign guy.