"The psychotic does not merely think he sees four blue bivalves with floppy wings wandering up the wall; he does see them. An hallucination is not, strictly speaking, manufactured in the brain; it is received by the brain, like any 'real' sense datum, and the patient act in response to this to-him-very-real perception of reality in as logical a way as we do to our sense data. In any way to suppose he only 'thinks he sees it' is to misunderstand totally the experience of psychosis."
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
-Phillip K. Dick
I finally got some good sleep last night. Not enough, but more than 6 hours, so I'll have to make do. We got a LOT done over the weekend.. but still have a ways to go. I haven't spoken to the others but I am prepared to call our first night in the new house a success. No fires, no more broken bones, no 911 calls. So far so good!
Back to work and enjoying the strange sensations of my muscles sorely settling into their cube dweller mode. Today should be chill, just have a ton of backup jobs to schedule for our server farm and then can finally tackle some data center stuff I've been putting off since November.
Nothing funny or interesting to write about so closing this page really fast before anyone notices I just posted a blog with zero content.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
New roomies, new life, new horizons.
I have it on good authority that quoting other people is a fun and easy way of establishing instant credibility. Or it be gibberish, that's cool too. I'll give it a shot:
"Then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and reveling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom."
-HP Lovecraft
Oh. That's sorta silly. Still, it was in the quote rotation and union rules are union rules buddy.
I'm writing this from the first time I've been able to relax. As some or none of you may know, I've just done the first half of life altering move. I'm moving from 3 miles and 5 minutes from the office to.. 45 mins with no traffic (middle of day) up to 1.5 hours each way. My lease isn't up til March 1st but the ladies, dear friends of my acquaintance with some passing familiarity, needed to be out by the last week of January. The man before you, who once was known only as the ButchDance Kid for the way he ran from any and all fights by pretending to dance in an overtly masculine style until escaping from the exit, stepped up to the plate.
He *editor's note, Bob is talking in the third person for no reason at all, please change to first person future perfect in your head to retain the original content* looked those beautiful ladies right in their eyes, after being asked to stop staring at their breasts, and told them we could make this work. As a team. Please don't get the restraining orders again, it makes things so awkward. A team that rubs moisturizing cream on each other. Also suntan lotion, since we live FEET from the beach. Oh crap, I'm gonna need to buy a shovel. There's a lot of sand piled up on the side of the house. I wonder where that crap goes?? Back to the beach across the street? Seems kind of pointless in a way. Oh well, the exercise will be awesome. Wait, where was I? Right, there is no me in team. But there totally is. That sentence will have to be cut.
Anywhoo it's getting late. I'm sorry, you loyal friends who still check back from time to time because you liked something I said or something shared or were paid to hang out with me, I'm looking at you Catherine. I know I've done nothing online in a long time. Going from being a loner, online alllllllll the times to now having a pseudo socially aware lifestyle, out doing actual things, has been very strange. I like it, but I sometimes miss being online by myself sometimes, the silly games and passing the time with very good friends.. but don't get me wrong. I wouldn't go back to that life under any circumstances, having tasted Fun, I shan't recant.
So this change is huge for me and today we had the movers do all the beds/insanely heavy stuff while we did the 'not crushing so I can probably get it to the truck' game. How well did we do? One roomie down w/ broken toe, the other one with a cameltoe, and me sitting on the old house's balcony, enjoying a final night/morning here. We will probably walk to breakfast.. right next door. I'll miss that place but will be back even if we have to drive. Or a boat, that would be swell.
See what I did there? Swell is a nautical term. Damn, I'm sweet.
Oh right, I was going to go now because it's freaking 5am and the only reason I'm awake is because I drank so much coffee this morning to get me through the day. Still have to put beds together tomorrow, so we have places to sleep before work.. which will be a vacation away from moving.
I'll try and post more, I miss reading blogs a lot, and feel like I don't have the right to read really until I post something. So this scratching on paper will get me some good reading privileges. Needless to say this is all in my head and probably irrational.
Oh! I know how I will leave you. With a KLASSY pic.. and since I already show my face in the title (mental note, get something cool), I figured I should post this. Be careful.. if you are not prepared for it, the sheer power of the pimpnosity might damage your vocal cords, as you scream out how god damned awesomely pimp I am.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
I'm so sorry. ps, sorry I keep updating, I'm really going to bed now, promise.
"Then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and reveling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom."
-HP Lovecraft
Oh. That's sorta silly. Still, it was in the quote rotation and union rules are union rules buddy.
I'm writing this from the first time I've been able to relax. As some or none of you may know, I've just done the first half of life altering move. I'm moving from 3 miles and 5 minutes from the office to.. 45 mins with no traffic (middle of day) up to 1.5 hours each way. My lease isn't up til March 1st but the ladies, dear friends of my acquaintance with some passing familiarity, needed to be out by the last week of January. The man before you, who once was known only as the ButchDance Kid for the way he ran from any and all fights by pretending to dance in an overtly masculine style until escaping from the exit, stepped up to the plate.
He *editor's note, Bob is talking in the third person for no reason at all, please change to first person future perfect in your head to retain the original content* looked those beautiful ladies right in their eyes, after being asked to stop staring at their breasts, and told them we could make this work. As a team. Please don't get the restraining orders again, it makes things so awkward. A team that rubs moisturizing cream on each other. Also suntan lotion, since we live FEET from the beach. Oh crap, I'm gonna need to buy a shovel. There's a lot of sand piled up on the side of the house. I wonder where that crap goes?? Back to the beach across the street? Seems kind of pointless in a way. Oh well, the exercise will be awesome. Wait, where was I? Right, there is no me in team. But there totally is. That sentence will have to be cut.
Anywhoo it's getting late. I'm sorry, you loyal friends who still check back from time to time because you liked something I said or something shared or were paid to hang out with me, I'm looking at you Catherine. I know I've done nothing online in a long time. Going from being a loner, online alllllllll the times to now having a pseudo socially aware lifestyle, out doing actual things, has been very strange. I like it, but I sometimes miss being online by myself sometimes, the silly games and passing the time with very good friends.. but don't get me wrong. I wouldn't go back to that life under any circumstances, having tasted Fun, I shan't recant.
So this change is huge for me and today we had the movers do all the beds/insanely heavy stuff while we did the 'not crushing so I can probably get it to the truck' game. How well did we do? One roomie down w/ broken toe, the other one with a cameltoe, and me sitting on the old house's balcony, enjoying a final night/morning here. We will probably walk to breakfast.. right next door. I'll miss that place but will be back even if we have to drive. Or a boat, that would be swell.
See what I did there? Swell is a nautical term. Damn, I'm sweet.
Oh right, I was going to go now because it's freaking 5am and the only reason I'm awake is because I drank so much coffee this morning to get me through the day. Still have to put beds together tomorrow, so we have places to sleep before work.. which will be a vacation away from moving.
I'll try and post more, I miss reading blogs a lot, and feel like I don't have the right to read really until I post something. So this scratching on paper will get me some good reading privileges. Needless to say this is all in my head and probably irrational.
Oh! I know how I will leave you. With a KLASSY pic.. and since I already show my face in the title (mental note, get something cool), I figured I should post this. Be careful.. if you are not prepared for it, the sheer power of the pimpnosity might damage your vocal cords, as you scream out how god damned awesomely pimp I am.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
I'm so sorry. ps, sorry I keep updating, I'm really going to bed now, promise.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Off the face of the planet, I dropped
Don't open your eyes
you won't like what you see
The devils of truth
steal the souls of the free
Well that was a hell of a post to leave up for way too long.
Things have been good since last I typed here. The week following I went on an AWESOME rafting trip with friends and family. We ended up a bar the 2nd night where I had much fun watching the drunken antics instead of performing them. I even danced for 4 hours! Not competently, but still. It was fun and I got to see my mom hit on by a 20-something who reeled her in on the dance floor. Hellz yeah bitches.
Anyway, I don't have anything really funny to report, I really just wanted that damn alky post off the front page. Thanks to all for the groovy comments and luuurve, it was appreciated. I have tons of blogs to burn through, now just need the time to do it. See ya in the comment sections kids!
you won't like what you see
The devils of truth
steal the souls of the free
Well that was a hell of a post to leave up for way too long.
Things have been good since last I typed here. The week following I went on an AWESOME rafting trip with friends and family. We ended up a bar the 2nd night where I had much fun watching the drunken antics instead of performing them. I even danced for 4 hours! Not competently, but still. It was fun and I got to see my mom hit on by a 20-something who reeled her in on the dance floor. Hellz yeah bitches.
Anyway, I don't have anything really funny to report, I really just wanted that damn alky post off the front page. Thanks to all for the groovy comments and luuurve, it was appreciated. I have tons of blogs to burn through, now just need the time to do it. See ya in the comment sections kids!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I'm not an alcoholic.
I am, however, a really bad drunk.
This won't be a very funny post, or very interesting for that matter, sorry. Still, writing crap does have a way of ordering thoughts and setting things in place. Plus, as I mentioned in my last non-funny post (point it out for a prize!) doing it in public is a nice way of challenging myself to make some sort of change.
Last weekend, as I have for the last 4 weekends, I got very drunk. Not "haha I said something risque" drunk or "oh ho, I sure got sick and felt horrible the next day" drunk. More like "Out of control, gulping Whiskey straight from the bottle, embarrassing people close to me, angering everyone, running around like a monkey on speed, blacking out and having to have things explained to me the next day" drunk.
I had 2 separate people say the same, slightly strangely worded phrase to me the next day, which really brought home how bad it was: "Bob Dobalina, I was scared that you were trying to murder yourself". What caught me at first was the odd choice of word, murder. Then the more I thought about it, the more I realized they were both using that word for a specific reason. This isn't killing, which can be accidental. My drinking to blackout/oblivion was deliberate. That scared the shit out of me.
I used to drink, a lot. I'm a chronic insomniac, it's a family thing, and passing out is one way to deal with it. I did that for several years. Then I stopped. I was given mild tranq's to prevent DT's for the first few weeks, tossed my liquor collection and from then on used reading to deal with the late nights. I didn't drink for years.
Then I felt ok and started again. Sometimes just a beer. Sometimes a drunk as described above.
Here's the thing: I don't drink every day. I don't drink every weekend (though you wouldn't know it by looking at July) or even every other week. Sometimes months go by between drunks. But when I do drink, I can't seem to stop. I feel good. I drink some more. I feel happy and silly and fun. And then I drink some more. And then I get offended. And then I drink some more. And then I get angry. And then I drink some more. And then I get confused. And then I drink some more. And then I don't know what is happening.. so I drink some more until I'm gone.
I've been forced by my last episode to take a hard look at myself and admit that even though I don't drink every day, I still have a drinking problem. It's not fucking normal to drink like that. And ignoring it, or blaming it on drinking "hard alcohol", or blaming it on drug interactions, is not going to help. And yes I used each of those excuses when friends or family asked why I got so crazy.
Anyway, that was the weekend. Yesterday I asked a few of my good friends what they thought about my drinking. Without hesitation, all of them said some variation of the following: "You can get.. mean. It's scary. I've wanted to say something but you seem to only do it every once in a while so I didn't think it was that bad but I know when you do drink, to watch out. I look in your eyes and you aren't there any more". These are my FRIENDS. I don't blame them for not saying anything, I have no idea at all what I'd do in that situation, but I can still feel mortified that I let it get this far before doing something about it.
So I am. I'm going to talk to someone who deals with this stuff professionally and do a lot of talking. Or a lot of listening, I hear that can be good too.
I doubt I'll be blogging about what comes next, only because I don't think it will be very interesting. In the unlikely event that anyone who has ever had to deal with my drunk ass reads this, please know I'm embarrassed and sorry. Thanks to everyone who didn't take a swing at me. I always told my friends that I'd hate to be "that guy" at the party that's sloppy and out of control.
I'm that guy. Dammit.
This won't be a very funny post, or very interesting for that matter, sorry. Still, writing crap does have a way of ordering thoughts and setting things in place. Plus, as I mentioned in my last non-funny post (point it out for a prize!) doing it in public is a nice way of challenging myself to make some sort of change.
Last weekend, as I have for the last 4 weekends, I got very drunk. Not "haha I said something risque" drunk or "oh ho, I sure got sick and felt horrible the next day" drunk. More like "Out of control, gulping Whiskey straight from the bottle, embarrassing people close to me, angering everyone, running around like a monkey on speed, blacking out and having to have things explained to me the next day" drunk.
I had 2 separate people say the same, slightly strangely worded phrase to me the next day, which really brought home how bad it was: "Bob Dobalina, I was scared that you were trying to murder yourself". What caught me at first was the odd choice of word, murder. Then the more I thought about it, the more I realized they were both using that word for a specific reason. This isn't killing, which can be accidental. My drinking to blackout/oblivion was deliberate. That scared the shit out of me.
I used to drink, a lot. I'm a chronic insomniac, it's a family thing, and passing out is one way to deal with it. I did that for several years. Then I stopped. I was given mild tranq's to prevent DT's for the first few weeks, tossed my liquor collection and from then on used reading to deal with the late nights. I didn't drink for years.
Then I felt ok and started again. Sometimes just a beer. Sometimes a drunk as described above.
Here's the thing: I don't drink every day. I don't drink every weekend (though you wouldn't know it by looking at July) or even every other week. Sometimes months go by between drunks. But when I do drink, I can't seem to stop. I feel good. I drink some more. I feel happy and silly and fun. And then I drink some more. And then I get offended. And then I drink some more. And then I get angry. And then I drink some more. And then I get confused. And then I drink some more. And then I don't know what is happening.. so I drink some more until I'm gone.
I've been forced by my last episode to take a hard look at myself and admit that even though I don't drink every day, I still have a drinking problem. It's not fucking normal to drink like that. And ignoring it, or blaming it on drinking "hard alcohol", or blaming it on drug interactions, is not going to help. And yes I used each of those excuses when friends or family asked why I got so crazy.
Anyway, that was the weekend. Yesterday I asked a few of my good friends what they thought about my drinking. Without hesitation, all of them said some variation of the following: "You can get.. mean. It's scary. I've wanted to say something but you seem to only do it every once in a while so I didn't think it was that bad but I know when you do drink, to watch out. I look in your eyes and you aren't there any more". These are my FRIENDS. I don't blame them for not saying anything, I have no idea at all what I'd do in that situation, but I can still feel mortified that I let it get this far before doing something about it.
So I am. I'm going to talk to someone who deals with this stuff professionally and do a lot of talking. Or a lot of listening, I hear that can be good too.
I doubt I'll be blogging about what comes next, only because I don't think it will be very interesting. In the unlikely event that anyone who has ever had to deal with my drunk ass reads this, please know I'm embarrassed and sorry. Thanks to everyone who didn't take a swing at me. I always told my friends that I'd hate to be "that guy" at the party that's sloppy and out of control.
I'm that guy. Dammit.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Access.. Granted.
Tomorrow at 2pm I have an appointment to meet the owner of the Data Center my company uses for our offsite hosting. I will be given 2 keys, a rfid badge, and have my palm print scanned so I enter the building w/o the former head tech with me.
YES.
On the downside things aren't looking up with Dell. The last email, from the supposed server specialist, said "wow, that sounds really frustrating.. maybe we should get tech support involved in this". Umm.. guy:
YOU FORGOT TO INCLUDE A PART I NEED. A PART OF A PACKAGE WE PAID OVER $10,000 FOR.
What the hell? Is tech support going to teach me how to create my own SD card using common office supplies then code the proprietary 'embedded server' software in Notepad? Or are they going to walk me through sitting around, waiting for the Fedex guy to deliver that part?
For those playing at home, the correct answer should have been "damn, I'm so sorry, I'll fedex out the card overnight, Saturday delivery, and you'll be up and running tomorrow. Also you are very strong and admired by your peers."
YES.
On the downside things aren't looking up with Dell. The last email, from the supposed server specialist, said "wow, that sounds really frustrating.. maybe we should get tech support involved in this". Umm.. guy:
YOU FORGOT TO INCLUDE A PART I NEED. A PART OF A PACKAGE WE PAID OVER $10,000 FOR.
What the hell? Is tech support going to teach me how to create my own SD card using common office supplies then code the proprietary 'embedded server' software in Notepad? Or are they going to walk me through sitting around, waiting for the Fedex guy to deliver that part?
For those playing at home, the correct answer should have been "damn, I'm so sorry, I'll fedex out the card overnight, Saturday delivery, and you'll be up and running tomorrow. Also you are very strong and admired by your peers."
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Dell you effing douche
This is a bitch post.
I've been waiting all week for this new server to arrive at work. It's going to be the first of many (hopefully) uber machines that we will have multiple virtual servers on. This one in particular is set to have 6 Win Server 2k3 and 1 2k8 running simultaneously, reducing the rackspace used at our datacenter and allowing us to expand much quicker and easier. I've been running 3 virtual servers on an older web server I use to test new stuff on and so far it's been running great.
So I go into the office tonight at 9pm to get it setup. I'm just going to be installing the embedded VMware OS (32 Mb! Almost no overhead!), then installing 3 instances of the Win2k3 server. We even bought the licenses through Dell so everything should be good to go.
Dell, you effing douche.
Open it up, throw it on the temp rack, plugs it all in.. and those dumbasses forgot to include the SD card with the VMware server operating system. Which turned out to be ok, because they also forgot to include the licenses for the Win Servers, so even if they had included the embedded server, I still wouldn't have been able to go any further. So I guess I should be thankful they made their fuckuperry so obvious from the beginning so I only wasted an hour.
This feels like when I was a kid and I ran into the living room to open my presents on Christmas day only to be told that we had just converted to Judaism.
I've been waiting all week for this new server to arrive at work. It's going to be the first of many (hopefully) uber machines that we will have multiple virtual servers on. This one in particular is set to have 6 Win Server 2k3 and 1 2k8 running simultaneously, reducing the rackspace used at our datacenter and allowing us to expand much quicker and easier. I've been running 3 virtual servers on an older web server I use to test new stuff on and so far it's been running great.
So I go into the office tonight at 9pm to get it setup. I'm just going to be installing the embedded VMware OS (32 Mb! Almost no overhead!), then installing 3 instances of the Win2k3 server. We even bought the licenses through Dell so everything should be good to go.
Dell, you effing douche.
Open it up, throw it on the temp rack, plugs it all in.. and those dumbasses forgot to include the SD card with the VMware server operating system. Which turned out to be ok, because they also forgot to include the licenses for the Win Servers, so even if they had included the embedded server, I still wouldn't have been able to go any further. So I guess I should be thankful they made their fuckuperry so obvious from the beginning so I only wasted an hour.
This feels like when I was a kid and I ran into the living room to open my presents on Christmas day only to be told that we had just converted to Judaism.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
voicemail
I have 12 voicemails. Haven't checked in a week. I hope none of them are urgent. They should text if it's urgent. I kinda wish I hadn't set up the voicemail last month. Such is life.
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