So my girlfriend's birthday was yesterday. Due to the both of us having a complete inability to wait for surprises, I had already given her presents 2 weeks ago, so I went with a card and chocolates to avoid having nothing. Found her an awesome talking card that had 2 characters discussing the need to 'not startle the elderly recipient with loud b-day greetings'. I'm considerate like that. Scibbled all over the inside of the card w/ "I love ya" in 30 languages (favorite: Nob Nala in Wolof") and "Happy Birthday" in 10 or so tongues. She appeared to like it.
Then she revealed that because her party was postponed (long story) she was going to take me on a surprise date. I was not allowed to know anything, other than I would need to gas the convertible and to be ready to leave by 7pm. After some intense oral persuasion (I asked her, where is your mind? Dirty.) she revealed it would be about an hour away.
What an amazing night. First: She takes me to meet up with friend Nick for a freaking DRIVE IN DOUBLE FEATURE. Iron Man (always cool for a re-view) and Speed Racer. Now, I'll admit, I had little to no interest in Speed Racer. Never watched the cartoon much, just didn't care. GO SEE THIS MOVIE. It's amazing, funny, FUN, and just a great way to spend 2 hours.
I had the best time. We were sitting with the top down, smoking our devil cancer sticks, making out like horny teenagers, and enjoying the immensely cool drive in atmosphere when she drops surprise #2: After the second movie we are going somewhere for the second half of the surprise date.
Around 2am we pull into Puddingstone Resort. We spend an hour of private time in a beautiful cabin overlooking the city with candles and soft music. It was.. I'm running out of suitable adjectives, trust me, it was mind-blowing.
Seriously, last night felt like it was my birthday. She has substantially raised the bar.. so on my birthday I'm going to have to go all out to rock her world. I may in fact be with the coolest girl in the whole wide world and I don't even care how saccharine sweet that sounds.
Ideas and suggestions welcome.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Showers and Strangeness
I do some strange things. At least I think they may be strange. I was getting ready for work (took Wednesday off, making it today so I don't burn a vacation day) and I started observing myself. I realized some things I do without thinking about it may strike others as odd.
Like my morning meditation moment. Every morning, while showering, I turn the water hotter than I like, then sit down cross-legged on the shower floor for about 5 minutes. 10 minutes if I'm expecting a rough day. I just let the hot water (has to be hotter than usual or it will get a bit chilled on the journey down to me) rain down on me as I think about nothing. At least that's the goal; it usually takes a few moments for my fears/worries/joys to bugger off and let me relax. I may squirm a bit to let the hot water reach all over me but otherwise I just sit still and let everything go. Finally, with a sigh, I rise and commence with the washing and such.
I also brush my teeth in the shower, which I'm told is odd. I like being able to use the shower as a shower-pick thing on my teeths.
When I leave the shower I am physically incapable of using 1 towel to dry off. I'm not huge either. I just can't do it. I need one towel as my pre-dry and once I'm almost dry, I grab another towel to finish it off. Which may explain why I need to keep buying more towels.
Back in college I was known for showering every time I got drunk. I would be wasted, ask the host or hostess where their bathroom was.. and minutes later they would hear the shower. I would only use it for a couple of minutes but it got me some strange looks. At least I always left it clean? Plus I really like doing dishes (another quirk, I absolutely zen out while doing dishes) so I would help the hosts clean up after parties which probably negated any qualms they had with me using their showers at odd times.
Huh.. reading this over, its less about my personal oddities and more about how much I just love showers.
So what do you do that others might consider odd? Do you love showers?
Oh and this Wednesday I am skipping work to hit Magic Mountain. Any SoCal slackers wanna come?
Like my morning meditation moment. Every morning, while showering, I turn the water hotter than I like, then sit down cross-legged on the shower floor for about 5 minutes. 10 minutes if I'm expecting a rough day. I just let the hot water (has to be hotter than usual or it will get a bit chilled on the journey down to me) rain down on me as I think about nothing. At least that's the goal; it usually takes a few moments for my fears/worries/joys to bugger off and let me relax. I may squirm a bit to let the hot water reach all over me but otherwise I just sit still and let everything go. Finally, with a sigh, I rise and commence with the washing and such.
I also brush my teeth in the shower, which I'm told is odd. I like being able to use the shower as a shower-pick thing on my teeths.
When I leave the shower I am physically incapable of using 1 towel to dry off. I'm not huge either. I just can't do it. I need one towel as my pre-dry and once I'm almost dry, I grab another towel to finish it off. Which may explain why I need to keep buying more towels.
Back in college I was known for showering every time I got drunk. I would be wasted, ask the host or hostess where their bathroom was.. and minutes later they would hear the shower. I would only use it for a couple of minutes but it got me some strange looks. At least I always left it clean? Plus I really like doing dishes (another quirk, I absolutely zen out while doing dishes) so I would help the hosts clean up after parties which probably negated any qualms they had with me using their showers at odd times.
Huh.. reading this over, its less about my personal oddities and more about how much I just love showers.
So what do you do that others might consider odd? Do you love showers?
Oh and this Wednesday I am skipping work to hit Magic Mountain. Any SoCal slackers wanna come?
Monday, May 19, 2008
Fearsome anger
I just transcribed 4 old type-written letters for someone I care for.
I tried to remain neutral about the contents, which will be explored in detail in her blog, but I am so angry right now that I can't.
Rage.
Incomprehension.
How or why would a presumably grown man feel it is somehow a good idea to write these letters about a child?
I tried to remain neutral about the contents, which will be explored in detail in her blog, but I am so angry right now that I can't.
Rage.
Incomprehension.
How or why would a presumably grown man feel it is somehow a good idea to write these letters about a child?
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Mailman, you complete me.
I got the best item ever in the mail. Words cannot describe it properly:
This is the Shock Ball. Remember "Hot Potato" where kids were forced to use their imaginations to pretend a ball was hot and toss it around? Well screw that, imagination is for the Muppet Babies
and I'm not Kermit. Though I do an awesome retarded Fozzie, ask GB.
I'm digressing, sorry. Back to SHOCK BALL OF AWE.
This is a very simple game. You put batteries in it. You try and remember if any of your friends recently had bypass surgery. If yes, do you really like them that much? While you ponder that, pull the pin and toss the ball. Possible ex-friend-to-be catches it.. and if he knows what's good for him he tosses it up again before electricity flows out of the approximate 374 metal contact points arrayed around the "Ball o' RAD" as we call it around the office.
Note, by office I mean "the voices that won't let me sleep and tell me to find Ann Heche and make her take me to the aliens/god/thetans".
After shocking myself silly, I had to look up the origin of Hot Potato. I make no promises on the veracity of this claim but here is what Wiki had to say:
"...it may go back as far as 1629 (puritan period) when Sidney Addy's Glossary of Sheffield Words describes a game in which a number of people sit in a row, or in chairs round a parlor. In this game, a lighted taper is handed to the first person, who says:
Jack's alive, and likely to live
If he dies in your hand, you've a forfeit to give.
The one in whose hand the light expires has to pay the forfeit."
Wow, passing around a candle until it goes out. History has completely misjudged the puritans.
This is the Shock Ball. Remember "Hot Potato" where kids were forced to use their imaginations to pretend a ball was hot and toss it around? Well screw that, imagination is for the Muppet Babies
and I'm not Kermit. Though I do an awesome retarded Fozzie, ask GB.
I'm digressing, sorry. Back to SHOCK BALL OF AWE.
This is a very simple game. You put batteries in it. You try and remember if any of your friends recently had bypass surgery. If yes, do you really like them that much? While you ponder that, pull the pin and toss the ball. Possible ex-friend-to-be catches it.. and if he knows what's good for him he tosses it up again before electricity flows out of the approximate 374 metal contact points arrayed around the "Ball o' RAD" as we call it around the office.
Note, by office I mean "the voices that won't let me sleep and tell me to find Ann Heche and make her take me to the aliens/god/thetans".
After shocking myself silly, I had to look up the origin of Hot Potato. I make no promises on the veracity of this claim but here is what Wiki had to say:
"...it may go back as far as 1629 (puritan period) when Sidney Addy's Glossary of Sheffield Words describes a game in which a number of people sit in a row, or in chairs round a parlor. In this game, a lighted taper is handed to the first person, who says:
Jack's alive, and likely to live
If he dies in your hand, you've a forfeit to give.
The one in whose hand the light expires has to pay the forfeit."
Wow, passing around a candle until it goes out. History has completely misjudged the puritans.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Tales from the Valley
So I bailed on work a bit early to go pick up my brand new laptop. 3 GB Ram, dual core, CHEAP AS HELL, and just better than my old Sony in every single way ever. $200 cheaper than the one I got my boss last month, more ram, and the only thing missing is the built in webcam.
Guess I'll have to do my attention whoring the old fashioned way, with impressionist charcoal drawings of my genitals.
I'm on the south side of Ventura blvd after a mistaken turn (people who've ridden with me are shocked, I'm sure) and there are lights every 25 feet. I'm stuck behind a bunch of people, who are in turn stuck because the lights are not in sequence. I'm people watching.. and I notice the car behind me stops about 10 feet behind me. Strange, but sometimes people need their space. It's a BMW, 600 series, niiiiiice but the guy driving looks douchey. An SUV pulls up alongside him and stops. Windows roll down, chat chat chat. Dammit, I think, people are so rude. Granted we aren't moving but what if it opens up? The people behind him are screwed while they figure out directions to wherever they are going together. Definitely called the douche factor on this one.
I look ahead, I've got a green but nowhere to go, too many cars in front and I'll be damned if I'll be caught in the tiny intersection. Sit I shall. Look back up in the rear view and they are rolling up their windows, groovy, they are done. The beamer moves up 2 feet closer to me and stops. The guy, a tad shorter than I imagined (but still jerky looking) gets out of his car, jogs over to the SUV, which is now pulling away and slams his fist into the rear passenger side window.
That was unexpected.
The SUV driver gets out.. and oops, he's a good 8 inches taller than DoucheyMan (DM) and wider to boot. DM gets the 'oh fuck' look on his face as the guy runs at him. DM runs around to the passenger side of his car, trying to put it between him and Big Guy (BG) and begins screaming "HELP HELP!"
Uh.. dumbass, you appear to have started this, I have no sympathy for you. If he really hurts you I might call 911 or yell at him to lay off but otherwise you have some reaping of what you've sown to do.
He gets in DM's face and yells "Instead of hitting my car, take a shot at me!" In a move straight out of any movie bar fight, BG points at his own face, drops his hands and stands there defenseless. DM looks for a second and makes his move. He takes a step back, then a big step forward.. and..
kicks BG in the side of the right shin.
I can't help it, I start laughing. BG looks down at where he was kicked in complete disbelief. DM turns and runs around to the drive side of his car, gets in, and flips a U-turn to get away. BG looks at me and I just shrug.
I turn forward and the light is green again and cars have moved exactly enough to get me into the next line of cars waiting at the next signal. I wave at BG and move on. He waves back, still looking stunned, and gets back into his SUV.
I've never wanted to buy a guy a beer and share a laugh as much as I did right then.
Not even with sign guy.
Guess I'll have to do my attention whoring the old fashioned way, with impressionist charcoal drawings of my genitals.
I'm on the south side of Ventura blvd after a mistaken turn (people who've ridden with me are shocked, I'm sure) and there are lights every 25 feet. I'm stuck behind a bunch of people, who are in turn stuck because the lights are not in sequence. I'm people watching.. and I notice the car behind me stops about 10 feet behind me. Strange, but sometimes people need their space. It's a BMW, 600 series, niiiiiice but the guy driving looks douchey. An SUV pulls up alongside him and stops. Windows roll down, chat chat chat. Dammit, I think, people are so rude. Granted we aren't moving but what if it opens up? The people behind him are screwed while they figure out directions to wherever they are going together. Definitely called the douche factor on this one.
I look ahead, I've got a green but nowhere to go, too many cars in front and I'll be damned if I'll be caught in the tiny intersection. Sit I shall. Look back up in the rear view and they are rolling up their windows, groovy, they are done. The beamer moves up 2 feet closer to me and stops. The guy, a tad shorter than I imagined (but still jerky looking) gets out of his car, jogs over to the SUV, which is now pulling away and slams his fist into the rear passenger side window.
That was unexpected.
The SUV driver gets out.. and oops, he's a good 8 inches taller than DoucheyMan (DM) and wider to boot. DM gets the 'oh fuck' look on his face as the guy runs at him. DM runs around to the passenger side of his car, trying to put it between him and Big Guy (BG) and begins screaming "HELP HELP!"
Uh.. dumbass, you appear to have started this, I have no sympathy for you. If he really hurts you I might call 911 or yell at him to lay off but otherwise you have some reaping of what you've sown to do.
He gets in DM's face and yells "Instead of hitting my car, take a shot at me!" In a move straight out of any movie bar fight, BG points at his own face, drops his hands and stands there defenseless. DM looks for a second and makes his move. He takes a step back, then a big step forward.. and..
kicks BG in the side of the right shin.
I can't help it, I start laughing. BG looks down at where he was kicked in complete disbelief. DM turns and runs around to the drive side of his car, gets in, and flips a U-turn to get away. BG looks at me and I just shrug.
I turn forward and the light is green again and cars have moved exactly enough to get me into the next line of cars waiting at the next signal. I wave at BG and move on. He waves back, still looking stunned, and gets back into his SUV.
I've never wanted to buy a guy a beer and share a laugh as much as I did right then.
Not even with sign guy.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
My WTF folder revealed.
I have a bad habit. My right click finger is twitchy. I am constantly hitting "save as" when I find something that strikes me as cute, funny, stupid, ugly, or just odd. I do this for awhile, and then I will realize that my 'wtf pics' folder is getting huge and then I usually either delete it all or .. well yeah, just delete them all.
NO MORE.
I shan't waste those priceless images.
Instead I will post them here.
And then delete them all.
So let's see what I have:
I would love that job. Fortune Cookie Writer! I can do short.
Really.
If I were him, I would wear that outfit and carry this album with me everywhere I went, just hoping someone would ask about it.
Yay the pic Norty made for me! This is where she will pretend she doesn't know me.
NO RESTRAINING ORDER WILL STOP OUR LOVE.
...
Sorry.. awkward.. moving on.
Ok this shit is not right. It's from a French comic. I TOLD you, the French are fucking wrong.
I would play this game forever. It's mathtastic.
Cute.. kinda funny. Just doesn't get me laughing hard, like.. say.. this:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breathe* HAHAHAHA
Ok the story here is almost better than the picture.. apparently this was a very real fear back in the day. Ok first, the proud black man (PBM) on the left slept with the blond on his right. She, being a hoochie, slept with the white guy to her right immediately after. Like.. 10 minutes after. While doing her, some of PBM's stuff gets up into the white guys little pee-pee hole. Then the white guy goes and sleeps with his faithful fiance and shoots his AND the PBMan's stuff into her.. and guess which one takes? Thats right ma'am.. you've been faithful to your man but you now have a black baby.
Maybe it will be like Different Strokes, that was kinda cool.
Moving on:
Not funny, just true.
DAMMIT! I had to look this up to know what decade could possibly have spawned it. Now Google thinks I'm a fucking racist.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH 1975, I USED TO BE PROUD TO BE BORN IN THAT YEAR.
*sigh* clicky click: The explanation isnt much better.
Ahahaha. HAHAHAHA. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Ok 2 more and I'm done:
I have mentioned the 'brought up Mormon' thing right? Good. This was every other family there.
This must have been the best movie ever made.
In the words of the deaf lady who taught America how to love.. and say things in a really weird accent between Saturday morning cartoons:
BYE FORE NOW!
*weird hand gesture which in retrospect was her signing but to a 6 year old looked like gang signs*
NO MORE.
I shan't waste those priceless images.
Instead I will post them here.
And then delete them all.
So let's see what I have:
I would love that job. Fortune Cookie Writer! I can do short.
Really.
If I were him, I would wear that outfit and carry this album with me everywhere I went, just hoping someone would ask about it.
Yay the pic Norty made for me! This is where she will pretend she doesn't know me.
NO RESTRAINING ORDER WILL STOP OUR LOVE.
...
Sorry.. awkward.. moving on.
Ok this shit is not right. It's from a French comic. I TOLD you, the French are fucking wrong.
I would play this game forever. It's mathtastic.
Cute.. kinda funny. Just doesn't get me laughing hard, like.. say.. this:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breathe* HAHAHAHA
Ok the story here is almost better than the picture.. apparently this was a very real fear back in the day. Ok first, the proud black man (PBM) on the left slept with the blond on his right. She, being a hoochie, slept with the white guy to her right immediately after. Like.. 10 minutes after. While doing her, some of PBM's stuff gets up into the white guys little pee-pee hole. Then the white guy goes and sleeps with his faithful fiance and shoots his AND the PBMan's stuff into her.. and guess which one takes? Thats right ma'am.. you've been faithful to your man but you now have a black baby.
Maybe it will be like Different Strokes, that was kinda cool.
Moving on:
Not funny, just true.
DAMMIT! I had to look this up to know what decade could possibly have spawned it. Now Google thinks I'm a fucking racist.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH 1975, I USED TO BE PROUD TO BE BORN IN THAT YEAR.
*sigh* clicky click: The explanation isnt much better.
Ahahaha. HAHAHAHA. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Ok 2 more and I'm done:
I have mentioned the 'brought up Mormon' thing right? Good. This was every other family there.
This must have been the best movie ever made.
In the words of the deaf lady who taught America how to love.. and say things in a really weird accent between Saturday morning cartoons:
BYE FORE NOW!
*weird hand gesture which in retrospect was her signing but to a 6 year old looked like gang signs*
Love letter to the man on the corner
*another post from a few months ago*
I'm sure you have seen them. They stand on the corners of busy intersections with large signs. And that's ALL THEY DO. Their job is to be a living billboard and they are presumably paid hourly to do this.
To be honest they've always depressed me. Imagine a job where you could be instantly replaced by a wooden 2 x 4, if only the boss could get permission to plant it there. And they are usually advertising things that a sign is just not a good medium for. Like this guy, who I will describe momentarily. His sign said "condos for sale". Now, if you are in the market for condos, are you really going to be driving around looking for sales? I may be wrong, never having bought a condo, but I would imagine it involves a lot more research than that.
I always wonder what that's like, having that job. I may hate my own job sometimes but I'll never be replaced by a stick. Well maybe by a high tech Japanese stick, those are pretty sweet. But not by an American stick, no way.
So that brings me to Jim. I call him that because he kinda looks like a younger version of Jim from The Office. He was LOVING his job. He had a 4 foot arrow, about 2 feet wide, and board thin. The first time I passed him, he was spinning it on his finger like a pro, then swooping it over his back, still spinning, and re-catching it, like a circus performer on acid. Then tossing it up and spinning it over his head before sliding it across his stomach. The entire time he's doing this he is also individually waving to each car turning right by him.. and everyone was grinning and waving back at him. Just watching him I felt happy.
The second time I passed him, 45 minutes later, he was even more into it. He was jumping while spinning it, then trying more complicated tricks. I saw him drop it once and he pantomimed "don't tell anyone!" at me and went back to his acrobatics. The guy in front of me was laughing and pointing and for once I wasn't pissed off that people were ignoring the right turn green arrow. How many people did this kid cheer up just by enjoying himself?
Jim, you put on an awesome show and I hope lots of people decided to buy condos because of you. If I could have tipped you I would have and if I ever run into you, drinks are on me, mein friend.
I'm sure you have seen them. They stand on the corners of busy intersections with large signs. And that's ALL THEY DO. Their job is to be a living billboard and they are presumably paid hourly to do this.
To be honest they've always depressed me. Imagine a job where you could be instantly replaced by a wooden 2 x 4, if only the boss could get permission to plant it there. And they are usually advertising things that a sign is just not a good medium for. Like this guy, who I will describe momentarily. His sign said "condos for sale". Now, if you are in the market for condos, are you really going to be driving around looking for sales? I may be wrong, never having bought a condo, but I would imagine it involves a lot more research than that.
I always wonder what that's like, having that job. I may hate my own job sometimes but I'll never be replaced by a stick. Well maybe by a high tech Japanese stick, those are pretty sweet. But not by an American stick, no way.
So that brings me to Jim. I call him that because he kinda looks like a younger version of Jim from The Office. He was LOVING his job. He had a 4 foot arrow, about 2 feet wide, and board thin. The first time I passed him, he was spinning it on his finger like a pro, then swooping it over his back, still spinning, and re-catching it, like a circus performer on acid. Then tossing it up and spinning it over his head before sliding it across his stomach. The entire time he's doing this he is also individually waving to each car turning right by him.. and everyone was grinning and waving back at him. Just watching him I felt happy.
The second time I passed him, 45 minutes later, he was even more into it. He was jumping while spinning it, then trying more complicated tricks. I saw him drop it once and he pantomimed "don't tell anyone!" at me and went back to his acrobatics. The guy in front of me was laughing and pointing and for once I wasn't pissed off that people were ignoring the right turn green arrow. How many people did this kid cheer up just by enjoying himself?
Jim, you put on an awesome show and I hope lots of people decided to buy condos because of you. If I could have tipped you I would have and if I ever run into you, drinks are on me, mein friend.
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