Dining in Peace

Went to lunch with BossGuy after our weekly "Talk about projects that may happen in the future but probably won't" meeting. We decided to head to our usual, the ever-delightful Uncle Chen's. We do this often and it's nearly always deserted.

I didn't realize how much I enjoyed this fact until we ran into a mild lunch rush.

Our first lunatic eating companion was someone 2 booths over who decided, in his loudly hungover state, that we should help him judge if his food 'looks right'. He held up a.. thing.. with red stuff on it and asked if it looked ok.

I'm accommodating.

I offer "It looks sort of like a piece of ear, you might want to check the cook and see if he's ok". My boss said it looked like pork. I thought that was needlessly rude to the cook but I'm not going to argue it.

So HangoverGuy (HG) continues moaning about his hangover and we continue ignoring him. BG and I begin eating and chatting about recent movies we've seen. 15 minutes pass. I'm telling him about In Bruges and why I will let him borrow the dvd when I get it when I hear "excuse me please!" whispered RIGHT IN BACK OF MY HEAD. I jump and turn to find myself staring into the eyes of an older European man. We were just talking about thoe kind of guys!

"Yes?"

OldGuy: "Can you please stop talking about movies, I've already heard about the movies you've both seen and what would happen if everyone talked so loudly? Nobody would be able to understand anyone! It's really inconsiderate and I'd like you to stop."

*blink*

I turn back to BG and ask, sotto voce, "Were we really talking loudly?" He shakes his head no, trying not to crack up, as I turn back to the older guy and reply "I'm sorry sir, I don't believe we were talking especially loudly." I can say this with a straight face because we haven't been drinking. The fact that this guys head is approximately 6 inches from mine may account for why he's heard so much of our chat. That he could, I don't know, MOVE a foot away in the huge empty circular booth he's occupied has apparently not occurred to him.

He disagrees about the volume. At length. I finally have to tell him to be quiet, he's now disturbing our meal with his inconsiderate talking.

Where the hell was this guy when HangoverBoy was shouting across the booths for us to check his food? Then I notice something. OldGuy is alone. So what conversation of his was I preventing? Oh dear, I was preventing him from communing with his special voices! Now I feel bad.

Then I realize, he and HangoverBoy are perfect complements! If I could only merge them into one composite being I will have created a normal diner, one who I'd be happy to share a lunchroom with. I close my eyes and concentrate for a solid minute but when I open my eyes and look around, both are still there in separate bodies. God damn you Muppet Babies, imagination is WORTHLESS.

On a plus note, BossGuy saw me trying to merge them with the powers of my mind and mistakenly concluded I had a bad headache. He told me I should work from home for the rest of the day so I would feel good enough to make his bbq tomorrow night.

Score! I take it back Baby Kermie, you rule.